So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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