4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
