Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
