I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize