so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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