a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
