This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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