I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
