this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
