Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
