I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
