So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
