Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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