ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
