The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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