His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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