She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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