It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
