He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
