Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
