Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
