I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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