the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
