i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
