My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
