I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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