I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
