I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
