Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
