I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
