I smell stomach acid.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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