the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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