clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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