I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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