we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
