ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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