I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
