I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
