The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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