this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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