You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize