If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
