Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize