why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
