yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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