Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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