Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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