i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
