Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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