once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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