did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
