HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
