Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
