Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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