The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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