i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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