seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
