Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
