O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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