forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
