Do you still have your period?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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