meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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