Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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