I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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