He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
