Is it normal to miss your booty call?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
